Acting my age

Blown away. Seriously, I did not see it coming. Did i deserve it? I spent 20 minutes in the shower thinking about it. I realised I was and still am that kind of person, who thinks mistakes are okay. Who thinks mistakes made by others are okay. Is it time to act my age? To be 21? to be an adult? That got me into serious thinking, the way I am all these years, is it time for me to be mature? I have gone through 2 years of NS, getting so much experience, even staying and surviving on a bunk bed on a battleship. I thought I have obtained or mastered the lesson of maturity from NS. 

I guess not. When i ORD, I felt like a bird, making her maiden voyage, flapping her wings, taking flight. Freedom. 

All good things will end. Freedom is short lived. Time to act my age. Now, priority is studies. Fun comes last. 

Another thing i realised about myself while I was in shower, FUN is the word for me. When I do things, I will always look for ways to make it fun. Or actually Lame, no matter who's looking at me, or bitching about me, I will have fun. 

And as I said, Fun comes last. Personal Image comes first. 

Anyway, I received messages from you. I felt the coldness. I replied the same way I did last time. I still felt the coldness in your replies. Do you hate me now? I guess no matter what i say now, it does not matter. I am the asshole here. I feel like cutting myself up for doing this to you. But I hope you know, that what I did, was for your sake. If that sounded cliche, so be it. I wish that you can find someone like me, but who can better support you than me. 

I felt pain too.

* Note to self : Keeping to my word of typing better English. 

From me to you*

If ever I disappear,

or ice overwhelms me.

I promise,

I will be your cloud,

however bright the sun is,

or dark the night.

I will be around,

sheltering or shielding.

I will be there,

for you.