Random!!

=)

Its Sunday! Its the 23rd of August. National Day(which is on the 9th) just passed by without any hoo-haa from Singapore. Its all the same. 44th Birthday. Human Formations, Fireworks. The Bang Bang Salute by the Howitzers. And that's all. I was supposed to go watch the live screening of the National Day Parade at the Tank though, but with all the Malaysian Blood in me now, I just stayed at home and watch tv. =p

SO yeah, been around. Mugged for EMET test on friday. Really ridiculous though, cause, even though it is a core maths exam, i still find it difficult. Sadly, I have to blame myself for not having a stronger foundation in Maths. Even in O levels, i could not do well in E Maths. Oh well, it's over i guess. So lets wait for results.

Didn't do much today. Been reading up on Commercial Law. I like the subject. Keeps your mind going and active. There are like loads of cases to read inside. Really interesting.

Oh well, Life's been good i guess. I wish it could be better. But i guess i am contented.

Catch ya later! =)

Decision

Finally.

After intense soul searching and reflection, I have decided my life from now onwards. After last night, the words that you said, has got me into thinking.

And let me tell you this, I am here because I want to. I know what I am doing. And don't for once think that I will leave. You keep saying I don't understand you. I tried, and I am still trying. But do you understand me?

Do you know who I am? I have opinions of my own of course. Its just because I prefer to give you the freedom to do what you want. The thing is, if I offer my opinion, we will end up arguing. So I rather keep my mouth shut. Real tight.

From today onwards, it will be a rough road. Because I would not be listening to you as much. I will be reasoning instead. I will not nod my head to everything. I will in turn, discuss.

Wouldn't it be more exciting this way? Rather than me, nodding to your every wants.

=)

A Leader or a follower.

Things have been going through my mind lately.

really loads and loads of stuff. I can just sit and stay thinking about it.

hmmm..

I still find no answer to my questions or thoughts.

I still ponder over trust and belief.

My life is in a mess..

Back

Finally.

I am back in Canberra. I feel like its my home now. I just feel so at home here. I don't know why, but it seems that being here, the weather, the freedom, friends, maybe it completes the package.

to just be here.

And somehow, its crumbling. day by day, i lose strength.

I want to go Lake Griffin. To just stare at the lake, or up into the night sky.

Anyone want to go with me?

Testing

123

dedication

Sometimes i do not know what i am doing. For things that i want to do, i would go all the way out to do it, no matter what it takes. But, for these things i do, i expect alot out from it. And sometimes, i do not get what i expect.

and it spoils everything.

I am learning i guess. Still learning not to expect or hope. To live life the way it is. To factor in other people feelings, not only my own. But I have been thinking about other people most of the time. I always put others before self. To take into their account what they need or want, at the expense of my own. Is this wrong? Do we actually settle our own needs first before others? I always thought that being kind, considerate or thoughtful is good enough. Is it time for me to learn to be harsh, cruel and self-centered?

These questions have been keeping me awake most of the nights. I mean there are also other stuff that keeps me awake =p , and i do wake up to the thought of other stuff. But is there really a need to think so much? To think about the days ahead? to envision what is to come for the next semester?

Somehow I just want people to accept me for who I am. Is that wrong?

Oh yeah, and one more thing. I would like to say sorry to someone, who I think I had angered and kind of get her into inconvenience. I am sorry babeh. =(

Just 2 more days. I have been imagining about the 7 and a half hour flight back, how suffering, the 3 and a half hour bus ride. Just 2 more days, and I am back HOME again.

Will it be still the same? Have everything changed?

i pray not. but yes, i am learning not to expect.

Why?

Take a knife,

Stab it into me.

Why does it matter,

What ever i have done.

I don't know why,

I am still holding on,

Still not giving up.