dedication

Sometimes i do not know what i am doing. For things that i want to do, i would go all the way out to do it, no matter what it takes. But, for these things i do, i expect alot out from it. And sometimes, i do not get what i expect.

and it spoils everything.

I am learning i guess. Still learning not to expect or hope. To live life the way it is. To factor in other people feelings, not only my own. But I have been thinking about other people most of the time. I always put others before self. To take into their account what they need or want, at the expense of my own. Is this wrong? Do we actually settle our own needs first before others? I always thought that being kind, considerate or thoughtful is good enough. Is it time for me to learn to be harsh, cruel and self-centered?

These questions have been keeping me awake most of the nights. I mean there are also other stuff that keeps me awake =p , and i do wake up to the thought of other stuff. But is there really a need to think so much? To think about the days ahead? to envision what is to come for the next semester?

Somehow I just want people to accept me for who I am. Is that wrong?

Oh yeah, and one more thing. I would like to say sorry to someone, who I think I had angered and kind of get her into inconvenience. I am sorry babeh. =(

Just 2 more days. I have been imagining about the 7 and a half hour flight back, how suffering, the 3 and a half hour bus ride. Just 2 more days, and I am back HOME again.

Will it be still the same? Have everything changed?

i pray not. but yes, i am learning not to expect.